[NOS2Go4Me]

Here's another spin to really blow your minds, because I don't know how many people know this about me TBH.

A little over 5 years ago now - I was in the exact same position as your BIL (I hate that acronym, but it's quicker). I was living with my G/F who happened to be a childhood friend of quite some time. She's quite large but I really didn't care (or so I thought).

I gave up work I had in Toronto (she's the reason I moved up here to begin with), moved in with her and her 2 kids from a previous bad marriage that she ended... and found myself with nothing. I eventually clawed my way out of the gutter and found stable work. Then, not even a year after finding my feet... I broke my wrist and had to go on EI for 6 or 8 weeks.

I went back to school and met my wife :)

It took us almost 2 years of college and talking now and again to realize there was something serious waiting to happen.

But, back to the ugly. The whole time I was working / looking for work, the ex threatened to kick me out... and actually did once. Like a sad puppy, I was a wreck for the remainder of the day until she "took me back" late that night.

I knew at that point it would never be the same, and ultimately that's what saved me I think. All through school (college), I'd stay late and hit the gym, game on my laptop with my buds (Oscar included), anything to keep me from going home. She would constantly call and tell me she couldn't keep control of the kids and because they saw me as a father they'd listen to me. I burned through I have no idea how much in cash on my pay-as-you-go phone. She call and argue if I was going to the gym afterward... but we had no workout gear otherwise. :rolleyes:

Also, to make matters worse, when she found out that I had extra OSAP cash... she spent as much as she could after "budgeting" some gas and food money for me. She'd constantly call and berate me for this, that or the other thing. I could do no right while I was out of the house.

It was actually at the Christmas party for the course I transferred out of (Computer Programmer) that Sara and I realized that s*** really wasn't going to be the same. It took us the weekend to see that things were definitely becoming an "us" issue.

My ex... to reward me for 2 1/2 years of stalwart fidelity... had already started sleeping with her ex while I'm off to college during the day. She'll deny that, even to this very day, but the number of "visits" by her ex to "see the kids" during the day escalated dramatically once I went back to school.

At first I was outraged, but then it really hit me... it was a great way for my "loyal" mind to rationalize finding another, better person for me. And so I did.

I guess all my rambling means at this point is that while love is blind, there's always hope that your brother-in-law will realize that he's being horribly abused and that he'll take back control of his life.

I did :)