[Flofocus]

President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering
which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie,
Up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I
am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, eh!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moment's calculation
"there is meself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbour Mick, and the
whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have ONE MILLION men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what
equipment would that be Archie?" George asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer,3 fishing boats, 2 harpoon
boats, a trawler with radar and Harry's farm tractor."


President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie , that I have 6,000
tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to
one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to
ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war
is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified
Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jaysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie, "I'll have ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am
sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can
feed two million prisoners."