Hi, Guest
10-30-2008, 04:37 AM
1. Find paint, a case of beer, a cat (doesn't have to be your own), a dish and a mug (for your beer), a snack and a roll of twine.
2. Take beer and place in fridge, but put one of them in the freezer.
3. Take twine. Tack it across each doorway in the room you're working in, about 6 inches above the floor in a straight line (like a tripwire). Remove beer from freezer. Enjoy that first beer. Mind the tripwire.
4. Pour some beer (from the fridge, don't waste your first cold one) in a dish for the cat. Show cat the beer. Let cat finish beer - pretzels are good. Have some if you want while you wait for the cat.
5. Open your can of paint. Find a brush that's just big enough to fit in the can. Dip brush in can and, carefully now, this is the hard part, paint the cat with the paint. If he's drunk, he shouldn't mind too much. If you get clawed up and such, give the cat another beer. If it takes more than 4-5 beer, keep that cat for yourself and find another - that's one cool cat!
6. Have a beer, possibly two after that first round of painting the cat.
7. Take the painted, drunk cat and a kitchen chair (what do you mean, what chair? Don't you have a chair?) and stand on the chair while holding the cat. Rub the cat against the ceiling. If you can't reach the ceiling, get a taller chair or a bigger cat.
8. After a few strokes, you'll need a beer. Stop and have a beer, taking the time to wax the cat... err paint the cap, err paint the cat after doing so.
9. Get back on the chair, carefully, carefully... WHOA. There. Now do the same again - have a beer while rubbing the cat against the ceiling. If the cat starts to protest, tell him to shut up and then get yourselves each another beersh. Yup. Beersh are good.
10. How far are you done now? Far enough for today? No? SISSY. Have more beersh, more cat for the beersh and then getuponthetable. Spinning, whoa. There. No more spinning. Wait. Whataboutthecat? s***.
11. Get down and bave another heer. Paint the hat... fat... cat. Yeah, cat. Beer the hat. Get back up and do that thing! The chair and the cat and the beersh and the spinninging. Rub the ceiling with the hat. Get on down and down some beersh.
12. Rooms spinning. Cats winning. Girlfriend is coming soon. Good thing there's tripwire. Grab more beersh. Share with cat. HEY CAT THAT'S TOO MUCH BEERSH! BASTARD!!! Come back here 'ith my beersh! Hey stop you!!!
13. Oh no, trip wiresh.
*THUD* *CRASH* *MEOW!*
14. Hire a painter.
2. Take beer and place in fridge, but put one of them in the freezer.
3. Take twine. Tack it across each doorway in the room you're working in, about 6 inches above the floor in a straight line (like a tripwire). Remove beer from freezer. Enjoy that first beer. Mind the tripwire.
4. Pour some beer (from the fridge, don't waste your first cold one) in a dish for the cat. Show cat the beer. Let cat finish beer - pretzels are good. Have some if you want while you wait for the cat.
5. Open your can of paint. Find a brush that's just big enough to fit in the can. Dip brush in can and, carefully now, this is the hard part, paint the cat with the paint. If he's drunk, he shouldn't mind too much. If you get clawed up and such, give the cat another beer. If it takes more than 4-5 beer, keep that cat for yourself and find another - that's one cool cat!
6. Have a beer, possibly two after that first round of painting the cat.
7. Take the painted, drunk cat and a kitchen chair (what do you mean, what chair? Don't you have a chair?) and stand on the chair while holding the cat. Rub the cat against the ceiling. If you can't reach the ceiling, get a taller chair or a bigger cat.
8. After a few strokes, you'll need a beer. Stop and have a beer, taking the time to wax the cat... err paint the cap, err paint the cat after doing so.
9. Get back on the chair, carefully, carefully... WHOA. There. Now do the same again - have a beer while rubbing the cat against the ceiling. If the cat starts to protest, tell him to shut up and then get yourselves each another beersh. Yup. Beersh are good.
10. How far are you done now? Far enough for today? No? SISSY. Have more beersh, more cat for the beersh and then getuponthetable. Spinning, whoa. There. No more spinning. Wait. Whataboutthecat? s***.
11. Get down and bave another heer. Paint the hat... fat... cat. Yeah, cat. Beer the hat. Get back up and do that thing! The chair and the cat and the beersh and the spinninging. Rub the ceiling with the hat. Get on down and down some beersh.
12. Rooms spinning. Cats winning. Girlfriend is coming soon. Good thing there's tripwire. Grab more beersh. Share with cat. HEY CAT THAT'S TOO MUCH BEERSH! BASTARD!!! Come back here 'ith my beersh! Hey stop you!!!
13. Oh no, trip wiresh.
*THUD* *CRASH* *MEOW!*
14. Hire a painter.
Daily driver 1: 2007 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Sport "S"
33" BFG Mud-Terrain KM2s, lots of Rough Country gear - bumper, 2.5" lift, swaybar disconnects, Superwinch 10,000lb winch, Detroit Locker in rear D44 axle, custom exhaust, K+N filtercharger, Superchips-tuned.
Daily driver 2: 2006 Subaru Legacy GT
COBB Stage 1+ package - AccessPort tuner, COBB intake and airbox. Stage 2 coming shortly - COBB 3" AT stainless DP and race cat, custom 3" Magnaflow-based exhaust and Stage 2 COBB tune.
33" BFG Mud-Terrain KM2s, lots of Rough Country gear - bumper, 2.5" lift, swaybar disconnects, Superwinch 10,000lb winch, Detroit Locker in rear D44 axle, custom exhaust, K+N filtercharger, Superchips-tuned.
Daily driver 2: 2006 Subaru Legacy GT
COBB Stage 1+ package - AccessPort tuner, COBB intake and airbox. Stage 2 coming shortly - COBB 3" AT stainless DP and race cat, custom 3" Magnaflow-based exhaust and Stage 2 COBB tune.