[Bort]

Yesterday I went to visit mom and dad as they just got home the night before from their trip to Europe (Rome, Switzerland, Paris and England). The first thing I do when I get in, of course, is head to the fridge for a cold frosty glass of milk (2% for all you interested, I know I would be!). I take a glass and start pouring, but I notice something about the milk that didn't seem quite normal, it was a bit thick. I didn't think anything of this as they usually have lots of milk, sometimes more than enough so they freeze it and take it out later. I figured this was the case and it was just thick of milky ice... No God no was I wrong, and I quickly found out... I took a good big gulp and realized that yes, I in fact just drank 1/2 a cup of rancid milk. Until just before the fateful moment, I was a rancid milk drinking virgin, but no longer... I gagged and slammed the glass down. I was quite upset, being sick and all, phlemy, coughing and now this! Mom was comforting though and seemed concerned which was nice. I go to the bathroom to do whatever I can possibly do to get this horrid horrid flavor out of my mouth and throat. And as I'm in there working with futility I hear mom say "oh yuck, I can't even dump this down the sink" which made me feel much better! I rince my mouth with water but that doesn't help, there is no mouth wash in the house so I didn't have much to work with. So I grabbed some toothpaste, put a good dolup on my fingers and then rammed them down my throat trying to coat it with that oh so minty flavor to hopefully cover up that rancid milk taste/flavor/breath that I was plagued with. In the process I scratched the back of my throat and this induced a massive coughing spasm that lasted a good 10 minutes. Nothing like the flavor of rancid milk and toothpaste to make a 10 minute coughing spasm seem like everlasting fun! Sigh...

For those who DON'T know what rancid milk tastes like, let me outline the distinct and otherwordly taste experience for you. Imagine everything bad you've ever tasted, multiply that by 100, add puke and burnt hair to the mix and there you have it. For those of you who have experienced this marvel of nature, I offer you my condolences. For those not yet experienced in this taste sensation, ALWAYS, and I cannot stress this enough, ALWAYS look at the expirey date...