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I have a problem here guys.
My future Brother-in-law is dating this girl in Ottawa. The thing is, she's super abusive to him. Bitches at him, bosses him around demeans him at the dinner table in front of the family. She never let's him out, he has lost all of his friends and the family despises (sp?) her.
I've tried to talk to him about it, but he just says things are fine. He moved out to Ottawa last year with no job to live with her. He found a job and is doing great there making a career for himself.
I don't think he could leave Ottawa if he could. He's practically supporting her and foots the bill for most of the things they do.
It's as if he's trapped.
Everytime he comes home, he looks a little more beaten down than the last time. Tired, quiet, non existant almost. I can't remember the last time I saw him genuinally laugh.
I've been in a relationship like this, and it took me years to relaze it wasn't right. The problem with being in a relationship like this is, after a while you become desensitized and can no longer tell the difference between abusive behaviour and non-abusive behaviour.
How would you approach a situation like this? I truely am worried about him.
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ANTHONYD,Aug 15 2005, 04:40 PM Wrote:I have a problem here guys.
My future Brother-in-law is dating this girl in Ottawa. The thing is, she's super abusive to him. Bitches at him, bosses him around demeans him at the dinner table in front of the family. She never let's him out, he has lost all of his friends and the family despises (sp?) her.
I've tried to talk to him about it, but he just says things are fine. He moved out to Ottawa last year with no job to live with her. He found a job and is doing great there making a career for himself.
I don't think he could leave Ottawa if he could. He's practically supporting her and foots the bill for most of the things they do.
It's as if he's trapped.
Everytime he comes home, he looks a little more beaten down than the last time. Tired, quiet, non existant almost. I can't remember the last time I saw him genuinally laugh.
I've been in a relationship like this, and it took me years to relaze it wasn't right. The problem with being in a relationship like this is, after a while you become desensitized and can no longer tell the difference between abusive behaviour and non-abusive behaviour.
How would you approach a situation like this? I truely am worried about him.
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rent the movie " eulogy " there is a character in the movie that sounds JUST like him
I don't think that telling him to leave or whatever is the approach to take cause he'll ignore. I think that showing him someone like himself would be an eye opener. Hire a PI to follow her and round up some dirt?
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:o Wow, I've been there too Anthony... I never knew who I was coming home to - the nasty bitch, or the semi-nice g/f. It's as if the one time out of ten that she is sweet makes up for all the b/s and, exactly, you become desensitized.
I'm sorry to hear he's stuck in that rut... all my friends told me she was a bitch, my mother (who loves the entire planet) insisted I 'evaluate' my relationship, etc... it never hits home until the light comes on yourself, then it's a matter of figuring out what's next. It's a shitty road but in the end makes you either much stronger or eternally pissed.
Advice?... show him what a good time is again (whatever that means), so perhaps he can see what he's missing by being unknowingly caged. I don't know, just throwing something out there. Stay persistent.
sux. :angry:
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STKVSTDA
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I'm seriously worried about him. THe cow rules his life and leaves him with nothing.
The thing is.... his mother has asked him a million times before if he's happy... but coming from a Mother it's nagging. Maybe it coming from a friend will make sense to him.
No one want's to tell him right out they hate the bitch...... I don;t want to offend him.
I dunno.
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08-16-2005, 03:38 AM
(This post was last modified: 08-16-2005, 03:39 AM by Kool_ZX3.)
ANTHONYD,Aug 15 2005, 01:32 PM Wrote:I'm seriously worried about him. THe cow rules his life and leaves him with nothing.
The thing is.... his mother has asked him a million times before if he's happy... but coming from a Mother it's nagging. Maybe it coming from a friend will make sense to him.
No one want's to tell him right out they hate the bitch...... I don;t want to offend him.
I dunno.
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He needs to leave her, that is really not god for someone for thier physical and mental health in the long term. Like you said he's quiet,non existent and everything that is a sign he is truly not healthly and happy inside, he really needs to get out of that realationship. Screw the bitch. You better talk to him man to man and tell him how you feel and maybe like you said if it comes from a friend he will snap out of it and leave
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It's hard to see when you are "in it" especially if you believe it is your duty to stay. I don't know if there is kids or mortgages involved but it is best for all that he gets out and the sooner the better.
This I know.
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2001 ZTS,Aug 15 2005, 01:55 PM Wrote:It's hard to see when you are "in it" especially if you believe it is your duty to stay. I don't know if there is kids or mortgages involved but it is best for all that he gets out and the sooner the better.
This I know.
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No kids.
But a new puppy <_< The cow bosses it around like him.
He walks it, he feeds it, he pays for the vet..... The list goes on and on....
This is what I'm worried about... he has no idea she's doing it. He "in it" and has no idea what's right and wrong.
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that's so true... while 'in it', there is no vision. I guess you are the one who knows him best so you should decide what will be the most effective measure... everyone is gonna 'snap out of it' through different means. But, as I recal, it took my own state of "I'm sick and tire of being sick and tired" to actually turn the light on... then my need for friend's and family support was self-evident. Best of luck Anthony.
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I just hope he sees the light before he decides to something stupid like marry her.
She's go the ring all picked out, she knows the colours of her wedding etc.....
She's a psycho guys.
Not to mention, she's got a face like a half chewed caramel.
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Jays2000ZX3,Aug 15 2005, 02:34 PM Wrote::postpics:
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I wouldn't subject my camera to that abuse....
Hey Jay, is your camera available? :P
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been there also.. sucks but you eventually realize it..
as was mentioned already.. you get desensitized so you dont really care anymore, its "normal" .. once you get out of it though.. you do notice it
ZX3T gone..
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ANTHONYD,Aug 15 2005, 12:26 PM Wrote:I just hope he sees the light before he decides to something stupid like marry her.
She's go the ring all picked out, she knows the colours of her wedding etc.....
She's a psycho guys.
Not to mention, she's got a face like a half chewed caramel.
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Bwahahahahha...um..sorry, but that's funny. On the serious side though, yup been there, done that, bought the t-shirt then burnt the f***ing thing. You know your friend will not realize anything if he sticks around. Okay without going into more detail than saying, every button you could possibly push with me was pushed, and i slipped and spent the night in jail...yes...and because of this, i was forced to avoid my "spouse" at all costs..and you know what...i realized then, i would be better off without her..AHHHHHHHHHHH FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM. Divorce papers arrived 2 weeks ago. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET. and you know what...she didn't get a dime..why? she was boning my neighbour..hahahahha...lucky him i guess...dude looks like a cabbage patch kid anyhow...
Now, i'm NOT saying your friend should go nuts and take a frying pan to the caramel...but i think he may need a break, a loooooooooooong break. so he realizes the chick is a whack job. It's not fun living a lie with yourself...believing that everything is A-OKAY, when you KNOW it's nowhere near it.
Anyhow, looks like alot of us have been there before. Slap yer friend up side the head with a wet noodle, take him to a strip joint, kidnap him and keep him locked up for a month. Do what you have to do, just BE HONEST WITH HIM. If he is as good a friend you say he is, he'll understand and value your opinion..
"The weak shall inherit...........NOTHING"
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This is where I wish I was getting married next week. He's going to be in my wedding party and I know the time out with "the boys" as the wedding gets closer will be good for him.
Unfortunately, it won;t be until next year.
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Anthony...you know I've been there too..only trouble is there is a baby in the equation!...actually..hit me up on msn..I'll talk to you about it..!
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Been there as well, and recently got out of the relationship after I realized just how bad it was....Now she is saying she will change but things will always be the same if I got back with her. Single life rocks, why oh why did I ever leave it lol
I know I am the new kid here but take it from me, if he doesn't want to realize it, its going to be near impossible to make him realize it. The biggest thing to do is just get him to spend a few nights with his buddies in a row and hopefully he will start to see what the hell is going on. It wont be an overnight change, expect it to take a few weeks.....he's probably been brainwashed by the dirty bitch.
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ANTHONYD,Aug 15 2005, 01:32 PM Wrote:I'm seriously worried about him. THe cow rules his life and leaves him with nothing.
The thing is.... his mother has asked him a million times before if he's happy... but coming from a Mother it's nagging. Maybe it coming from a friend will make sense to him.
No one want's to tell him right out they hate the bitch...... I don;t want to offend him.
I dunno.
[right][snapback]132809[/snapback][/right]
sometimes you need to offend your friends...
demonstrate to him that you have no hidden agenda (after all, what do you care if he marries this person or not?) and that this is honest advice.
if he's in an abusive relationship and doesn't see it and/or doesn't care...then ultimately he needs to some professional help.
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Sounds like he maybe depressed. I would really try talking to him about the situation before it gets even worse or he can no longer tolerate it and ends up harming himself.
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I, on the other hand have not been there. So I can't help much. But I can teach him how to be an asshole to her.
That was my plan. If the girl can put up with the s**t I dish out, then she's a keeper.
Funny thing is I never had a gf tell me to take a hike. i always got rid of them after walking all over them,
He needs to get a backbone.
Get him a hooker.
No seriously.
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natasha,Aug 15 2005, 08:30 PM Wrote:Sounds like he maybe depressed. I would really try talking to him about the situation before it gets even worse or he can no longer tolerate it and ends up harming himself.
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It's either get out or he or a "hitman" kills her :lol: Killin part is only the last resort :D
But someone gotta put the cow back in the barn
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